Paperhearts, Photography by Jessica Laviage » Blog

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Back-to-school mommy blues

bellaire family photographer

Dear Mia,

I sit here the evening before you begin another year of preschool, and all I can think about is how proud I am of you.  I feel like it was just yesterday I was dropping you off in your Child’s Day Out classroom two short Januaries ago, as tears poured down your red little face and your teacher held you tight.  I think you whaled everyday for the entire three hours the first five months in school.  I felt that horrible, sick mommy-guilt in my stomach each time I left you, and I didn’t want to send you back!  Daily I questioned why I was doing this to you (and myself!) and listened to everyone tell me, “It gets better.”  I knew that with you, it would take time, a lot of it, to get through the transition.  No one but me really knew that nor understood–I’M your mama–so I felt frustrated and worse than guilty.

Then summer came and we both felt some relief.  You had incredible camp teachers, who made you realize being away from Mommy was okay—you were safe and loved always and each day was load of fun.  Soon after, you moved onto the 2s class, and that’s when it happened.  Yes, you cried for months into the new year, but finally the tears left you, and you realized you were okay without me.

Now a year later, moving up a grade, I look at you and my heart bursts with pride.  Something has changed in you in the last two weeks.  We had a rough summer with lots of growing pains, but quickly things have turned, and I almost don’t have words.  Your language, your big heart, your love for your family.  You said to me the other day how a necklace would make you “pretty.”  I hated that, and we had a long chat about how “pretty” is on the inside—how “pretty” is in your heart—how “pretty” defines your choices you make, how you care for others, how you show kindness.  Today we discussed making new friends in your classroom, meeting new teachers, while reminding you how to show kindness, and you replied, “That’s showing I’m beautiful in my heart.”  Tears welled and for that moment, I knew I had done something right.  You have matured into this little girl in the last two weeks that really I can’t describe.  All I can say is I am more than proud to be your loving Mama.

Love you more than words, baby girl.

XO, Mommy

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